They had promised to come since last week, so my son was looking forward to it very much.
I knew why his friends wanted to come to our house, so I warned my son:
"Don't go to the secret base with them. It is not a playing room, but only a storeroom. I don't want your friends to climb up the ladder. It is dangerous."
I wrote about the "secret base" in my previous post: http://a-o-j-m.blogspot.jp/2015/09/my-hideaway.html
It is an storage attic.
My children love it in there, so my husband installed a small room light there.
They brought their favorite things in there, and made a small notice, on which was written "Say the password to enter here".
He boasted about the room to them and they wanted to see it.
"What? Why?"
He was disappointed to hear that.
I explained the reason:
"Because I don't want you to show them inside of there. It is only a storeroom. And the ladder to the room is a little dangerous. I can't take responsibility if they fell from there and get injured. And the room is narrow for three boys and too hot there."
"Well, OK. I will take a photo in there and show them."
He agreed with me unwillingly.
When they came, they wanted to go to the storeroom as I expected.
My son told them:
"Mom said we can't go there, so I will show you the photo."
"What? You said you will show me there!"
One of his friends seemed to be disappointed.
My son showed them photos, but they didn't seem to be satisfied.
I thought they would go there while I wasn't looking.
I decided to give up because I thought they would not want to go there if they knew what was in there, and I thought I should watch them.
I told them:
"OK, let's go to the secret base, but you can go there only once, OK?"
"Really? Wow!"
They were glad to hear that and ran up to the second floor.
"Look, my dad installed the room light here."
My son told them proudly.
They were surprised to see inside the roof.
"Wow! There are a lot of wooden beams!"
They were excited.
"Open the window, it is too hot there, right?"
I told my son, and he opened the window.
My 6-year-old daughter wanted to join them and she climbed up the ladder, then one of his friends said:
"Sorry, the room is now ours only. It is too narrow."
She came down unwillingly.
I couldn't stop laughing.
"Come down and let's go downstairs!"
They came down and seemed satisfied.
They are still young and adorable.
I think it was good for my son to be able to make such good friends.
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Hello Kumi-san (or should that be secret base commander),
ReplyDeleteIt is amazing what joy the young gain from such simple things, maybe when the attic needs unloading you can convince them to do it by saying it's a mission :P
Here is a list of issues found with the rest of the post:
Part 1:
This line:
They have promised to come since last week, so my son was looking forward to it very much.
Should be:
They had promised to come since last week, so my son was looking forward to it very much.
This line:
I noticed why his friends wanted to come to our house, so I warned against my son:
Should be:
I (knew/noticed) why his friends wanted to come to our house, so I warned against it to my son:
Or:
I (knew/noticed) why his friends wanted to come to our house, so I warned my son:
Reason: The first correction I made was changing noticed to knew and this makes the sentence sound more natural. Notice is also technically correct but sounds slightly unnatural (but not in a very noticeable way). The second change I made was changing "I warned against my son" to "I warned against it to my son" or more simply "I warned my son"
This line:
It is an attic storage.
Should be:
It is a storage attic.
Reason: Changed an to a and changed the word order to sound more natural.
This line:
My children love there, so my husband installed a small room light there.
Should be:
My children love it in there, so my husband installed a small room light there.
Or:
My children love being in there, so my husband installed a small room light there.
This line:
They brought their favorite things there, and made a small notice, which was written "Say the password to enter here".
Should be:
They brought their favorite things in there, and made a small notice, on which was written "Say the password to enter here".
Reason: Added filler words
This line:
He boasted the room to them and they wanted to see it.
Should be:
He boasted about the room to them and they wanted to see it.
Part 2:
ReplyDeleteThis line:
"Because I don't want them to show there. It is only a storeroom. And the ladder to the room is a little dangerous. I can't take responsibility if they fell from there and get injured. And the room is narrow for three boys and too hot there."
Should be:
"Because I don't want you to show them inside of there. It is only a storeroom. And the ladder to the room is a little dangerous. I can't take responsibility if they fell from there and get injured. And the room is narrow for three boys and too hot there."
Reason: I am assuming you wanted to say that you didn't want your son to show them the inside of the room. So sentence has been changed to make this more clear.
This line:
"Well, OK. I will take a photo there and show them."
Should be:
"Well, OK. I will take a photo in there and show them."
Reason: Added filler word.
This line:
I thought they would go there while I don't see them.
Should be:
I thought they would go there while I wasn't looking.
Reason: Changed the wording of the sentence as "while I wasn't looking/while my back was turned/if I lose sight of them" are very common idioms and is what would most likely be said in English.
This line:
I decided to give up because I thought they would not want to go there if they experienced to go there once, and I thought I should watch them.
Should be:
I decided to give up because I thought they would not want to go there if they knew what was in there, and I thought I should watch them.
This line:
"OK, let's go to the secret base, but you can go there once, OK?"
Should be:
"OK, let's go to the secret base, but you can go there only once, OK?"
Or:
"OK, let's go to the secret base, but you can only go there once, OK?"
Reason: Two changes were made the first was adding the word only for emphasis the second change was word order corrections, to make the sentence sound more natural.
This line:
"Sorry, the room is now only ours. It is too narrow."
Should be:
"Sorry, the room is now ours only. It is too narrow."
Reason: Word order correction
Thank you Terry!
DeleteI didn&t know the example that is used "in" in front of "there":
They brought their favorite things in there,
I understood that it emphasizes to be"indide" of there than the place.
Thanks to you, I can know more natural expressions.