2016/07/14

A boy who broke his promise

My 7-year-old son's friends came to our house after school yesterday.

Since I have a day off every Wednesday and he doesn't have to go to the children's house, he looks forward to playing his friends.

Two boys and one girl came to our house yesterday.

They enjoyed playing together, and they went home at 5pm.


However, after a while, one of the boy's mother emailed me that her son had not come home yet.

She said she told him to leave our house at 5pm and go home.

It was already 5:20pm, so he should have arrived at home at 5:15pm.

I replied her:

"He already left our house at 5pm with the girl.  Maybe they are walking together while chatting."

But I was worried about him, so I sent her email again and asked her to inform me after he came home safely.

After a while, the intercom of our house rang.

The boy and girl of my son's friends came to our house again.

It was already 5:30pm.

He said to my son:

"Look! I caught the dragonfly!"

"Did you go to the park again?"

I asked him and her:

"Yes."

They answered.

I told the boy:

"You should go home now! Your mother emailed me a short time ago, and she was worried about him. You made a promise with your mother to go home at 5pm, didn't you?"

He turned pale.

Just then, I saw his mother coming to our house.

"Hey!"

She seemed to get mad at him.

"Oh, your mother has come! Hi! He has just come here. What a relief!"

I said to her.

"I am sorry. Let's go home!"

She said.

I was really relieved to know they were safe.

The terrible incidents which involve children sometimes happens recently.

His mother told me that she is going to scold him and talk patiently with him to keep his word.

I also tell my son to be punctual and go straight home and when he goes to his friend's house.

If he couldn't keep his word, I will not let him go to friend's house.

I think children need to learn how important to be punctual.




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1 件のコメント:

  1. Hello Kumi-san,

    Those two friends of your son I have a feeling will be grounded for quite a while. Whenever children go missing here even for a short time parents start to panic and here the country is not as safe as it is in Japan.

    Still as we say here "It is better to be safe than sorry". Which roughly means that it is better to be very cautious, as not being cautious may end in a very bad outcome.

    Here is a list of some of the issues found in the rest of your post:

    This line:
    However, after a while, one of the boy's mother emailed me that her son had not come home yet.

    Should be:
    However, after a while, one boy's mother emailed me (to say/saying) that her son had not come home yet.

    This line:
    It was already 5:20pm, so he should have arrived at home at 5:15pm.

    Should be:
    It was already 5:20pm, so he should have arrived home by 5:15pm.

    This line:
    I replied her:

    Should be:
    I replied to her:

    This line:
    But I was worried about him, so I sent her email again and asked her to inform me after he came home safely.

    Should be:
    But I was worried about him, so I sent her another email and asked her to inform me after he came home safely.

    This line:
    After a while, the intercom of our house rang.

    Question: You use the word intercom. In English that means a device that a person outside can alert you to their presents and speak to you at the same time. If the device is just something that makes a noise and doesn't allow them to speak to you then in English we call that a "doorbell".

    This line:
    "You should go home now! Your mother emailed me a short time ago, and she was worried about him. You made a promise with your mother to go home at 5pm, didn't you?"

    Should be:
    "You should go home now! Your mother emailed me a short time ago, and she was worried about you. You made a promise with your mother to go home at 5pm, didn't you?"

    Reason: Changed "about him" to "about you" as you were directly talking to him.

    This line:
    The terrible incidents which involve children sometimes happens recently.

    Question: In the above sentence do you mean to say that recently there have been serious incident involving children going missing? If so the sentence can be rewritten as:

    Recently there have been rare terrible incidents involving children.

    This line:
    I also tell my son to be punctual and go straight home and when he goes to his friend's house.

    Should be:
    I also tell my son to be punctual and go straight home when he goes to his friend's house.

    Reason: In "home and when" removed "and" as it was not needed.

    This line:
    If he couldn't keep his word, I will not let him go to friend's house.

    Should be:
    If he (doesn't/does not) keep his word, I will not let him go to his friend's house.

    Reason: "couldn't" was changed to "doesn't/does not" and added filler word "his" before friends's house.

    This line:
    I think children need to learn how important to be punctual.

    Should be:
    I think children need to learn how important it is to be punctual.

    Reason: Added filler word "is it" to make sentence grammatically correct and sound more natural.

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