The trip was organized by the Karate school which my son joins.
The Karate school has a lot of branch practice venues, and more than 60 children and 25 adult took part in the tour.
I was worried about my son because it was the first time for him to go on the trip without parents and only my son would attend the trip from his branch.
I asked him before I pay the travel fee:
"Are you OK? There will be no friend there."
"It's OK! I want to go!"
He told me that he was looking forward to the test of courage which would be held at the temple on the night of the first day of the trip.
I was surprised to hear that.
In my case when I was a child, if no friend participated the tour, I would not join in it.
We reached the meeting spot and I said hello to the man who was in charge of there.
"My son is going to join in alone. I am worried about it. Please look after him."
I asked the man.
He said:
"OK. Adults will participate a lot, so please don't worry."
There were about 10 children there and some of them already seemed to know each other.
My son looked nervous.
Two college students who sometimes join in the practice at my son's branch found my son and came to him:
"Hi! Are you looking forward to the test of courage?"
"Yes."
He answered with a small voice and looked shy.
Other children started riding on the tour bus.
I told him:
"Have fun! Don't forget take the medicine before you ride on the bus tomorrow, OK?"
He nodded and rode on the bus.
When the bus has left there, we waved our hands.
He smiled and waved his hands, too.
After the bus has gone, my daughter, who was looking at it, suddenley started crying saying:
"My brother has gone! I am lonely!"
I couldn't stop laughing to hear that.
She turned down the corners of her mouth and cried more.
"Hey! Why don't you go to buy the donuts? I found the store over there."
I told her.
She stopped crying and said:
"Really? Let's go!"
It is not difficult for me to change her mind.
I hope my son will enjoy the tour and make new friends there.
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Hello Kumi-san,
ReplyDeleteI sounds as if your son will be in for a fun time. And it is fortunate that your daughter is easily distracted with food.
Here is a list of issues found with the rest of the post:
This line:
Since my 7-year-old son joined in the practice trip of Karate yesterday, my husband, 6-year-old daughter and I took him to the place to meet up.
Should be:
Since my 7-year-old son went on the Karate practice trip yesterday, my husband, 6-year-old daughter and I took him to the meeting place.
Reason: When you want to say that someone joined a group of people on a trip to some location you generally use "went on/went to/travelled with/travelled to". Also when you want to say that many people meet at a particular location this is often said as "meeting place". The other corrections in the sentence are word order corrections.
This line:
The trip was organized by the Karate school which my son joins.
Should be:
The trip was organized by the Karate school which my son (was a member of/had joined).
This line:
The Karate school has a lot of branch practice venues, and more than 60 children and 25 adult took part in the tour.
Should be:
The Karate school has a lot of branch practice venues, and more than 60 children and 25 adults took part in the tour.
Reason: "adult" was changed to "adults" as adult is a single adult, when there is more than one adult it is "adults". Children is automatically plural so does not need an s at the end (in most cases). Almost always when referring to a group of adults you use the plural.
Example:
The children did enjoy their ice cream.
I picked up the children's coats that had been left on the floor. (Exception when you do need s, but in this case the s is used to indicate possession.)
The adults were glad to rest after all the work with the children.
The 20 adult males had escaped from a near by prison. (Another exception which in this case works because you indicate the number of adults so you can use NN Adult XXXX).
This line:
I asked him before I pay the travel fee:
Should be:
I asked him before I paid the travel fee:
This line:
"Are you OK? There will be no friend there."
Should be:
"Are you OK? There will be no friends there."
Or:
"Are you OK? There will be no friends of yours there."
Reason: Friend should be friends and also wrote and alternate version of the sentence which could also be used.
This line:
In my case when I was a child, if no friend participated the tour, I would not join in it.
Should be:
In my case when I was a child, if no friends participated the tour, I would not (go on it/join in it).
Reason: Changed friend to "friends" as this sound more natural. Also added alternate sentence ending.
This line:
We reached the meeting spot and I said hello to the man who was in charge of there.
Should be:
We reached the meeting place and I said hello to the man who was in charge there.
Reason: Meeting spot was changed to meeting place as this sounds more natural. Removed "of" as it was not needed.
This line:
When the bus has left there, we waved our hands.
Should be:
When the bus had started to leave, we waved (at each other/each other goodbye).
Reason: "We waved our hands" would almost always be said as "we waved at each other" or "we waved to one another".
This line:
After the bus has gone, my daughter, who was looking at it, suddenley started crying saying:
Should be:
After the bus had gone, my daughter, who was looking at it, suddenly started crying saying:
Reason: Changed "has" to "had" as this is the more natural past tense sounding word for that sentence. Also corrected spelling mistake for suddenly.
This line:
It is not difficult for me to change her mind.
Should be:
It is not difficult for me to (distract her/change her mood).
Reason: Distract would generally be used in this case. Distract means to put make a person concentrate on a different topic.