https://a-o-j-m.blogspot.jp/2016/06/going-over-new-randoseru.html?showComment=1467405901921#c78504010547554661
The shop started accepting reservation of Randoseru for children who will enter elementary school next April on their website at 10am yesterday.
My yesterday work shift was from 11am to 4pm, so I thought I would be able to finish reserving the Randoseru for my daughter.
So I tried to access their website, but the website was too crowded to open.
I was surprised at this unbelievable and unexpected happening beyond my expectation because I was able to buy my 7-year-old son's Randoseru in August of two years ago at the same bag shop without any troubles.
I tried to reload the website many times for 25 minutes, but the error message was displayed on my computer screen and I couldn't finish reserving before I went to work.
I was worried whether my daughter's favorite Randoseru would be sold out until I came home.
I came home at 5pm and tried to access their website, but it was still crowded and wasn't opened.
I asked my daughter:
"I am sorry I have not finished reserving your Randoseru yet even though I have been trying to access their website. If the Randoseru has already been sold out, are you going to look for another one?"
"No! I want that Randoseru! Because it is the same as my brother!"
She insisted.
"OK, I am going to continue."
Since my 7-year-old son was going to the Karate practice from 7pm yesterday, I wanted to finish it until 6:40pm.
I tried to reload the website many times while I did housework.
At last, my reservation was accepted at 6:35pm!
"Yes! I made it! Hey! I could reserve your Randoseru!"
I shouted.
My children came to me and looked at my computer screen.
It said;
"Your order was completed."
"Wow! I am happy!"
My daughter was glad.
I was really happy to see her smile.
It took about a half and an hour to finish ordering.
This incident was put on one of the news headlines of Yahoo last night.
Most of comments from viewers were critical against parents like me.
One of them said:
"It is ridiculous. Recently the prices of Randoseru are too expensive."
I agree with it.
I definitely think it is ridiculous, but I just did not want to disappoint my daughter.
In our families case, my panrets offered to pay for her Randoseru.
When we chose my son's Randoseru two years ago, I had no idea how to choose the Randoseru.
One of my friends posted the article on her Facebook that she went to the bag shop to choose her daughter's bag.
Since I didn't know the bag shop, I serached their website on the internet.
I learned it was a long-established bag shop and its handmade leather bags made by craftsmen are very popular among those who value its quality.
Furthermore, I liked the design of their Randoseru because they were really simple Randoseru which didn't have any extra decorations like embroidery, emblem, rhinestone, and so on.
My mother advised me to choose the Randoseru with good quality.
She said cordovan was the best, but I refused her advice because it was too expensive for children's bag.
But she insisted that I should not choose a Randoseru made of clarino.
She believed that the quality of clarino was bad, but it has been improved nowadays, clarino Randoseru is lighter than cowhide and enough durable to use for six years.
I told my son to try carrying the clarino Randoseru and the cowhide Randoseru.
He said:
"Either is fine. I don't feel both of them heavy."
He was not completely interested in deciding his Randoseru.
So I accepted my mother's opinion, I chose the cowhide one.
After we received his Randoseru, I was satisfied with its quality and design.
We have not been any troubles yet for more than one years after he started using the Randoseru.
But actually, I think this trend is not good.
Randoseru is Japanese traditional bag for elementary school student, so I hope this tradition will last as ever.
But I think children don't need expensive school bags.
I think children don't need to choose its color, material, and decoration of Randoseru.
I recall my old days that we used similar Randoseru.
Maybe today's children also don't care what kind of Randoseru their friends have, and they will treat it roughly.
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Hello Kumi-san,
ReplyDeleteWhile reading your post I did some research and when I noticed how much a leather Randoseru costs I began to agree with your assessment that they are overpriced. I know that real leather is expensive but even so the cost seems very excessive.
I wonder what parents who send children to very conservative schools do if the school makes it mandatory to have a specific type of Randoseru. I also read on Wikipedia that they may be changing the sizes of Randoseru to accommodate larger (A4) paper sizes. If that happens that would mean parents would have to buy yet another Randoseru. When I was at school I would very much have liked a Randoseru but I know that my parents would never have agreed to spending such a large amount of money on a school bag. I had a large ruck sack. I found it very useful as it could fit everything I needed in it and had many compartments.
Here is a list of some of the issues found with the rest of the post:
Part 1:
This line:
The shop started accepting reservation of Randoseru for children who will enter elementary school next April on their website at 10am yesterday.
Should be:
The shop started accepting reservations for Randoseru for children who will enter elementary school next April on their website at 10am yesterday.
Reason: Changed "reservation" to "reservations and change filled word "of" to "for"
This line:
My yesterday work shift was from 11am to 4pm, so I thought I would be able to finish reserving the Randoseru for my daughter.
Should be:
Yesterday my work shift was from 11am to 4pm, so I thought I would be able to finish reserving the Randoseru for my daughter.
Reason: Word order correction.
This line:
I was surprised at this unbelievable and unexpected happening beyond my expectation because I was able to buy my 7-year-old son's Randoseru in August of two years ago at the same bag shop without any troubles.
Should be:
I was surprised at this unbelievable and unexpected happening it was beyond my expectations because I was able to buy my 7-year-old son's Randoseru in August of two years ago at the same bag shop without any troubles.
Reason: Added filler word "it was" to make sound more natural. Word "expectation" should be plural "expectations"
This line:
I was worried whether my daughter's favorite Randoseru would be sold out until I came home.
Should be:
I was worried whether my daughter's favorite Randoseru would be sold out by the time I came home.
Reason: changed word "until" to "by the time" as this sounds more natural and is more specific.
This line:
"I am sorry I have not finished reserving your Randoseru yet even though I have been trying to access their website. If the Randoseru has already been sold out, are you going to look for another one?"
Should be:
"I am sorry I have not finished reserving your Randoseru yet even though I have been trying to access their website. If the Randoseru has already sold out, are you going to look for another one?"
Reason: removed "been" as it is not needed.
Part 2:
ReplyDeleteThis line:
Since my 7-year-old son was going to the Karate practice from 7pm yesterday, I wanted to finish it until 6:40pm.
Should be:
Since my 7-year-old son was going to the Karate practice (at/by) 7pm yesterday, I wanted to finish reserving the Randoseru by 6:40pm.
Reason: Changed word "from" to "at/by" as this sounds more natural. Also made the sentence more specific by adding "reserving the Randoseru by"
This line:
"Yes! I made it! Hey! I could reserve your Randoseru!"
Should be:
"Yes! I made it! Hey! I (managed to/was able to) reserve your Randoseru!"
Reason: I changed word "could" to "managed to/was able to" as could in this sentence sounds slightly odd. Also could can imply that you indeed are able to purchase the bag but that you may or may not. Using managed to or was able to makes it clear that you succeeded in your task.
Note: The last point about "could" is very picky so dont worry about it.
This line:
It took about a half and an hour to finish ordering.
Should be:
It took about a half an hour to finish ordering.
Or:
It took about half an hour to finish ordering. (This is the more natural way to say the sentence but the one above is grammatically correct)
This line:
This incident was put on one of the news headlines of Yahoo last night.
Should be:
This incident was one of the news headlines on Yahoo last night.
Reason: Removed "put on" as it was not needed. Also changed "of" to "on" as this sounds more natural.
This line:
Most of comments from viewers were critical against parents like me.
Should be:
Most of the comments from viewers were critical against parents like me.
Reason: Added missing filler word "of"
This line:
I agree with it.
Should be:
I agree with (that/the) (statement/comment).
Reason: Sounds more natural and is more specific.
Part 3:
ReplyDeleteNote: The above is very picky and English people do often write the sentence the way you did I just want to make you aware of it.
This line:
One of my friends posted the article on her Facebook that she went to the bag shop to choose her daughter's bag.
Should be:
One of my friends posted an article on her Facebook about when she went to the bag shop to choose her daughter's bag.
Reason: Changed word "the" to "an" as this is more natural. Changed "that she" to "about when she" to make it sound more natural and more specific as to when she went to the store.
This line:
Since I didn't know the bag shop, I serached their website on the internet.
Should be:
Since I didn't know about the bag shop, I searched for their website on the internet.
Reason: Added "about" filler words to make sound more natural. Did the same for "for". Adding "for" make clear that you went to seek out their website (because you didnt know about it) and not just that year searched their website (which you would have to have know about in advance, I am being very picky here).
This line:
I learned it was a long-established bag shop and its handmade leather bags made by craftsmen are very popular among those who value its quality.
Should be:
I learned it was a long-established bag shop and its handmade leather bags are (made/crafted) by craftsmen. They are very popular among those who value quality.
Reason: Added "are (made/crafted)" and split the sentence into two separate sentences. In the second sentence I rewrote as "They are very popular among those who value quality"
This line:
Furthermore, I liked the design of their Randoseru because they were really simple Randoseru which didn't have any extra decorations like embroidery, emblem, rhinestone, and so on.
Should be:
Furthermore, I liked the design of their Randoseru because they were really simple Randoseru which didn't have any extra decorations like embroidery, emblems, rhinestones, and so on.
Reason: The words "emblem" and "rhinestone" in this sentence need to be plural "emblems" and "rhinestones" even though decorations implies plurals. Its a none standard quirk of English and so there is no rule as to why this is the way it is. Embroidery is automatically a singular and plural word and generally doesn't need an added ies (embroideries). This is confusing so dont worry about it.
This line:
My mother advised me to choose the Randoseru with good quality.
Could be rewritten as:
My mother advised me to choose a good quality Randoseru.
Note: Your original sentence is grammatically correct but sounds a little odd.
Part 4:
ReplyDeleteThis line:
She said cordovan was the best, but I refused her advice because it was too expensive for children's bag.
Should be:
She said cordovan was the best, but I refused her advice because it was too expensive for a children's bag.
Reason: Added filler word a to sentence to make it grammatically correct.
This line:
But she insisted that I should not choose a Randoseru made of clarino.
Reason: A lot of people outside of Japan will not know that clarino is a synthetic leather so it may be a good idea to mention what clarino is.
This line:
She believed that the quality of clarino was bad, but it has been improved nowadays, clarino Randoseru is lighter than cowhide and enough durable to use for six years.
Should be:
She believed that the quality of clarino was bad, but it is much improved nowadays. Clarino Randoseru are lighter than (leather/cowhide) and durable enough to use for six years.
Reason: There are 3 changes I made to the sentence above. One, I changed "it has been improved nowadays" to "but it is much improved nowadays". Much improved is a common expression and makes the sentence sound more natural. Two, Split the sentence into two separate sentences. The second sentence you could use the word cowhide but leather is probably more natural in English. Three, made word order changes in second sentence changed "and enough durable" to "and durable enough"
This line:
"Either is fine. I don't feel both of them heavy."
Should be:
"Either is fine. I don't feel that either of them (are/is) heavy."
Reason: Filler words added to make sound more natural and grammatically correct.
This line:
He was not completely interested in deciding his Randoseru.
Should be:
He was not that interested in deciding on his Randoseru.
Reason: Word changes to make sentence sound more natural.
This line:
We have not been any troubles yet for more than one years after he started using the Randoseru.
Should be:
We have not noticed any issues yet for more than one year after he started using the Randoseru.
Reason: Changed "have not been any troubles" to "have not noticed any issues". Also changed years to year as in this case "one year" is a special case in which you do not pluralize it.
Examples:
I have liked cakes for more than one year. (correct)
I have liked cakes for more than one years. (incorrect)
I have liked cakes for more than two year. (incorrect)
I have liked cakes for more than two years. (correct)
Note: The above is confusing but it is just the way it is done. Do not worry about it.
This line:
Randoseru is Japanese traditional bag for elementary school student, so I hope this tradition will last as ever.
Should be:
Randoseru is a Japanese traditional bag for elementary school students, so I hope this tradition will last forever.
Reason: Added filler words. Changed student to students as it should be plural. Changed "will last as ever" to "will last forever" as this is grammatically correct and sounds more natural.