6/25/2016

A missing boy

My children and I visited my parents' house.

My 7-year-old son told us:

"Let's play hide-and-seek! I am good at hiding!"

We sometimes play hide-and-seek inside the house.

It is usually easy to find my children.

My mother and I joined in hide-and-seek.

First, my mother was it.

She could find us easily.

Next time, I was it.

"Ready or not, here I come!"

I started looking for them.

"I found you, mom!"

My mother was hiding behind the bathroom door.

It was easy to find an adult because we are big enough.

"Next, my son!"

I heard the sound that indicated he went up to the second floor, so I went there.

"Where are you?  I am going to find you!"

I said to him while looking for him.

But I couldn't find him.

He was not under the bed or behind the curtains.

"Oh, where is he?"

I looked for him inside the closet and under the hanger racks, but he was not there.

I asked my father who was on the first floor:

"Do you know where he is? I listened he went to the second floor."

"He is on the second floor. Maybe he is hiding under the hanger racks, isn't he?"

He answered.

"But I looked there twice!"

"He is good at hiding. OK, let's look for him together. He is definitely on the second floor."

My mother said.

We went up to the second floor and started looking for him again, but we couldn't find him.

I was beginning to feel as if my son had been spirited away.

My mother said:

"We give in to you. Come out!"

"Here I am!"

He came out from under the hanger racks.

I was surprised and said:

"I looked for there twice, but I didn't notice you!"

"I was hiding well, wasn't I?"

Since children are small, they can hide well.

As for my 6-year-old daughter, she doesn't like hide-and-seek because she is scared to hide alone.


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3 comments:

  1. Hello Kumi-san,

    Commiserations on your hide and seek defeat, still when your children get older you will be able to find them more easily. I was always completely useless at hide and seek as a child.

    Here is a list of some of the issues found in your post:

    This line:
    I found the sound that he went up to the second floor, so I went there.

    Should be:
    I heard a sound that (indicated/told me/suggested) he went up to the second floor, so I went there.

    This line:
    He was not under the bed and behind the curtains.

    Should be:
    He was not under the bed (and he was not/or) behind the curtains.

    Reason: changed the word and as this makes it sound like he was not under the bed and behind the curtain at the same time. Made the sentence slightly more specific.

    This line:
    I looked for inside the closet and under the hanger racks, but he was not there.

    Should be:
    I looked for him inside the closet and under the hanger racks, but he was not there.

    Reason: Added missing word him. Also using and in this sentence is completely correct.

    This line:
    I asked my father who was at the first floor:

    Should be:
    I asked my father who was on the first floor:

    Reason: When mentioning which floor a person is currently occupying in English we generally use the word "on" not "at". This rule is not always right but often is.

    Examples:

    The cat escaped and I had to search all the floors level to find out which floor he was at (sounds slightly odd)
    The cat escaped and I had to search all the floors level to find out which floor he was on (sounds more natural)

    This line:
    "He is at the second floor. Maybe he is hiding under the hanger racks, isn't he?"

    Should be:
    "He is on the second floor. Maybe he is hiding under the hanger racks, isn't he?"

    This line:
    "But I looked for there twice!"

    Should be:
    "But I looked there twice!"

    Reason: The word for was removed as it was not needed and made the sentence sound unnatural.

    This line:
    "He is good at hiding. OK, let's look for him together. He is definitely at the second floor."

    Should be:
    "He is good at hiding. OK, let's look for him together. He is definitely on the second floor."

    This line:
    I was a feeling as if I was totally spirited away.

    Question: When you say spirited away do you mean that you are suddenly feeling as if you have lost control of your senses/mind? If so there is an English idiom for that which is:

    "I felt as if I was losing my mind/I felt as if my mind was playing tricks on me/I was unsure of myself" or more casually "I felt like I had entered the Twilight Zone".

    Note: Twilight Zone is a long running series of TV programs and movies which always end with a twist or something very unexpected and odd happening in the programs that make you feel very uneasy or send shivers down your spine. But you never see anything obscene/bloody or gory it makes you imagine and scare yourself. The twist at the end of a program or story is often called "the sting in the tail" in English.

    So your sentence could be rewritten as:
    I was a feeling as if I was totally losing my mind.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hello Terry.
      Thank you for the corrections!

      As for the last question,
      Spirit away is "神隠し" in Japanese.
      Please refer to the link of Wikipedia:
      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spirit_away

      This is an example sentence from the dictionary.

      Formerly, when children were missing, people used to say they had been spirited away (by a fairy [ghost]).

      Do you think what expression is the best to explain my feeling?

      Delete
    2. Ah I see.

      In your original sentence:

      I was a feeling as if I was totally spirited away.

      Since the meaning of spirited away seems to imply missing children. Would you not be better indicating that you felt like your son had been spirited away.

      For example:

      I was beginning to feel as if my son had been spirited away.

      Note: We have a similar custom of saying that children that go missing are often taken by fairies. Although it is old and obviously taken as a joke.

      Delete